Failsafe so far.... some duds and some successes!

OK, I'm kinda enjoying the new change in our diet. I tend to love change and get excited by new challenges. Most of the time. I need to make sure I'm prepared for meal times at the moment though, as I'm trying a new recipe most nights (but have some preservative/additive free sausages in the freezer for lazy days that can be defrosted and cooked easily enough).

We've had a few duds and a few successes this week. So far, this is what we've eaten. (And as a disclaimer, we're still getting started, so sometimes some non-FS things are still slipping in, and we're having a few of the 'moderate' salicylate foods too, but only every couple of days.)

Potato & Leek soup - OKed by most, not by daughter. Poo.
(that bread was for hubby and me)

Crunchy Chicken - loved by all - huge hit (yay)!
As you can see, Lani loved helping to make it too! We made enough for 3 meals, yay!

Preservative-free chicken sausages & home-made chips - also good! (with a teeny bit of BBQ sauce coz I haven't made any FS condiments yet)

Hamburgers with FS rissoles - good!

Macaroni cheese - macaroni with a home-made cheese/garlic sauce - daughter turned up her nose, again! (my kids are used to the store-bought packet ones, so its rather different!)

Chicken & Leek Risotto - success! (especially made into volcanoes/mountains) I shall enjoy some leftovers for lunch today! (although I made it with stock cubes which are a no-no. Plan to make some home-made chicken stock next week)

Still on the menu to make this week:

* Irish Stew tonight - yum! I loooove stews, so hoping this satisfies my need!

* Corned Beef with mash & beans (will have to make some sort of condiment for the meat though - sauces is where I'll come undone!)

* Wraps with crunchy chicken - mountain bread, chicken and will add a little lettuce, cheese, sour cream (seems OK? We are not doing amines) and a little grated carrot (mod sals).

So far, I know I'm feeling a lot healthier that's for sure! I think the concentration in the kids is better too than a couple of weeks ago before we got rid of additives/preservatives (have been watching them for a few weeks now)... Eli's toileting issues are good at the moment too, not sure if he's just on a good run - he can have good weeks and bad weeks - or if its the diet changes.

If you're doing Failsafe and have some AWESOME recipes that you think my family will love, please feel free to email me at nat_mardon@hotmail.com. Will be great to get to know some other FS families too!

School holiday fun...

We're nearing the end of our winter school holidays (2 weeks). We had a bit of rain last week which wasn't so nice for getting outside and playing, and as it would have it, the kids have spent more time playing inside this week even though there is sunshine! Last Wednesday we had Lani's 5th birthday on Wednesday (the 27th). Daddy had to work in the morning, so we started the day early with some yummy pancakes for breakfast and some gifts for Lani girl. And of course cuddles and photos with Daddy.

Lani received so many beautiful gifts - lots of new dresses and leggings (she didn't have a lot of winter clothes!), some new books, crafting things (which she just loves at the moment!) and some Lego Friends packs (awesome that there's girly Lego available now). Combined with gifts from friends at her party, she was very very blessed!!

After lunch, Daddy was able to come home and we took the kids to a local Playcentre for the afternoon. Afternoon seems to be the right time to go, because although it was holidays and raining, it wasn't too busy! I guess everyone had taken their little ones home for naps.

Lani chose Pumpkin Soup for her birthday dinner, with ice-cream, jelly and custard for dessert. Yum! We didn't have another birthday cake as we had one at her party. 

Our little girl is growing up so fast. She has a beautiful spirit and loves her Mummy and Daddy so so much, and shows us all the time with cuddles. As with many little girls, she has a very special place in her heart for her Daddy. They do lots of things together. And she has him wrapped around her little finger. She can be fiesty though, and is sure of what she wants, and its hard to change her mind! I think she gets that stubbornness from her Mumma. She loves to play with her brothers, but is also super girly so is often playing in her room with her dolls, or asking Mum and Dad to do girly puzzles with her.

The kids went off to Nana and Poppy's house on Thursday for 2 nights sleep over! Fun for them, and kid-free time for Greg and I. Woohoo! It was so strange - but so nice to have quiet and lazy nights and mornings. Greg and I took the opportunity to go out for dinner to Hogs Breath Cafe on Thursday night for a yummy steak, and then ice-cream too. There's something special (although crazy!) about eating ice-cream when its cold. We did the same when we were in NZ two years ago! I was also fighting off a minor cold, so slept in the afternoons - much later than I would have. The luxury of waking up from a nap at 6pm was so strange, but so cool too. We really appreciated the time off! We spend Saturday morning driving around the northern suburbs of Brisbane looking at furniture, for a new desk for Greg, so we can shuffle those we have at home and set up a computer desk that the kids can use - particularly Jaidyn who will be in high school next year (my goodness!).

The kids had fun fishing and making wind chimes (and bazookas!) from bamboo with Poppy. Nana apparently got bored of fishing early on. They also were very excited to tell us that they'd bought some pet fish for Nana & Poppy's pond!

We enjoyed a nice quiet weekend after that, and Daddy is now on holidays, so we're enjoying doing some things together.

The boys have been REALLY busy and REALLY quiet (yay!) the last couple of days building Lego. Particularly Jai - we've hardly seen him!

Eli bought this awesome Lego book a while ago with his birthday money. It's been so good for giving them ideas of what they can make with the many many Lego pieces they have!! Jai's become quite the master builder!

Eli busy building a Lego 'base'...

Jai's Castle masterpiece. It is since even bigger with a drawbridge now too! 

Jai even made a photoframe out of Lego to put his photo with his Lego castle...

Lani and Daddy building 'Olivia's Treehouse' - one of Lani's b'day presents...

Mummy doing what I do - being pregnant and preparing lunch for the family...

Yesterday, when Jai decided he wanted to make a Lego photo frame, Lani and Eli decided they wanted to make a photo frame too, so we got out the craft stuff. While Daddy was out at the dentist, we decided to make him some photo frames so printed out a pic of Eli & Daddy and Lani & Daddy and made some gorgeous little pieces of art! Daddy will need to get a pin-board to put them on! The kids were very proud. I think they look awesome!!

Lani also got out her Plaster Mould set she got for her birthday and her and Daddy made the plaster of paris to set in the moulds, to hopefully paint today or tomorrow. Daddy had to be quick because it started to set quickly for some reason!!

And who can go past a game of Twister!! They are well aware Mummy has to sit out of this one though!!

It's nice having Daddy home for the holidays! While the kids have been busy building Lego, Mummy has had some time to do a little sewing... I'm pile high in quilting patches and sprocket pillow wedges at the moment! But loving it and can't wait to get them all finished for Lani and Rainby's shared room.

Here's what Lani's quilt will look somewhat like...

Arranging the disappearing 9 patch blocks for Lani's single size quilt... only the floor is big enough!

We are going to go to the movies to see BRAVE on Thursday and maybe have a little walk around SouthBank - we might even take the train in! And on Saturday, we are going with some friends as well as Uncle Jeremy up to the Medieval Festival - that will be lots of fun! We took the kids about 3 years ago but with two toddlers it wasn't as good - they'll all be at a good age to enjoy the festivities and we hope to see the jousting this time! I'm sure there'll be many more photos to follow from then!

Hope everyone else in Australia is enjoying their school holidays, and those of you in the US are enjoying summer break too! Hope its not too hot for you!!

Changing the way we do food

It's become time to pull my head out of the sand pile I've had it in for about the last year. Time to say 'OK, enough is enough' and slap myself in the face for ignoring it for so long.

Elijah (6) in particular has a few issues (concentration, behaviour, constipation, eczema) that when added up, all seem to be high on the list if symptoms of food allergies/intolerances or reactions to additives and preservatives that appear in so many foods these days. Stuff we don't even realise are there. Stuff that we don't realise have such an adverse effect on our kids (and us!). But not even just Eli, I noticed when reading these lists of symptoms, that Jai (11) also displays a lot of them too - irratibility, sleeplessness for example. And Lani suffers from eczema too, so does DH, so really yes, its time.

Time to have a hard look at the rubbish that's in the food I'm feeding my family. The additives, the preservatives, the colours, the flavours. Not natural. At all. And really, just down right dangerous. As a loving Mum called to love, cherish, grow and nurture my family, how can I continue to feed them with such rubbish - especially when I now see how much damage it can do.

Sure, we may not see miracles by taking out the additives. We might not see every issue 'cured' as such, but I can bet that there will be a vast difference, and that's when we can start looking at other options for ailments that remain. After knowing that my family are eating real and good foods.

So this week, we are embarking on The Failsafe Diet, which is very much the same as The Elimination Diet. It has been around for years, so there's HEAPS of recipe ideas online and lots of other families sharing on blogs etc. So I think we'll be OK! Just have to get my head around what we can and can't have (which is a lot!)

The idea is to stick strictly to the base diet for at least a month to get the nasties out of our systems, then we can hopefully start testing out various things (we'll keep the additives and preservatives away for good though!) to see if we react to individual things. This will particularly be the salicylates (natural preservatives) which by avoiding them we cut out a LOT of fruit and vegies as these all have natural chemicals in them! It will be good to be able to add some variety in our fruit and vegies and herbs and spices back again. So I hope we can get to that!!

I have spent the last couple of weeks shopping with my additive lists (to avoid) and trying to get my head around what we can eat and collecting a few meal ideas. We are starting this week, so we've been pretty good so far. I still have a few things in the house that are higher on the salicylate list, that we're eating in very limited amounts to get rid of (apples for eg) and we'll be testing out all the meals this week, lunchbox ideas, doing some baking etc to get ready for complete elimination next week for school. I'll need to send along some additive-free cakes for classroom freezers and notes to the teachers too to make sure they don't have anything they shouldn't! I think that will be the hard part - keeping the diet up when they are not with me! But we'll get there.

I don't know if it has anything to do with cutting additives out this week already, but their concentration seems to be better this week already! They played Lego ALL DAY yesterday almost!

Anyway, I will share some recipes and such here and there as we go. Menu plans, ideas etc. Its going to be hard, but we'll get there.

And my kids and family's health and well-being are WELL worth it.

Fire Safety

This all happened a couple of days ago now, but I thought it was something important to blog about, so here I am.

I think it was Wednesday last week, that Eli had a visit to his Grade 1 classroom from the Fire Brigade. They brought the engine, and all that jazz, but mostly it was a safety talk to the kids about what to do in the case of a fire. 

That got me thinking. A lot. As they're still pretty young, we hadn't actually talked much as a family about fire safety. We didn't have an evacuation plan, my daughter (nearly 5) didn't know about 'Get Down Low, and Go Go Go'. Not good, at all.

And so, as you do in the morning rush at 7.30am while you're trying to make lunches and get kids ready for school, we had a chat about fire safety in our home (and yes, we were consequently late to school, but that's not important in the scheme of the importance of my kids knowing what to do if we have a fire).

As we've moved house in the last 8 months, we discussed what we would do in this house. Our bedroom is  at one end of the house, and the kids bedrooms are at the other. Between is both the kitchen and the laundry, the most likely places a house fire is going to start. So, in the case of a fire, it is highly likely that we would be cut off from the kids in the house. And so I realised just how important this talk is!

Thankfully our eldest is 11 years old, and generally would be able to 'take responsibility' up their end of the house, but we all know our brains don't always work when we panic. 

Thankfully, we also live in a one-level home, meaning that in the case of being separated inside from the kids, Greg and I could get out and get to them through their bedroom windows.

But I guess the conversation was left a little unresolved. And I guess a lot of it depends on the situation at hand. But I'd definitely like to talk to my husband more, and revisit it regularly with the kids.

We originally said that the kids should try to find each other up that end of the house. If they could get to the back sliding door - next to the kitchen - Jaidyn should get them out that way. Or they should go to Jaidyn's room (back of the house, furthest away from kitchen/laundry) and he should smash the window out.

But then we wondered if getting them to move around might be more dangerous? Maybe we should just get them to stay in their rooms, and Greg and I would come and get them by smashing in their windows?

I'm still undecided even now. I need your help. Anyone here an expert and would know what's best to do?

And then, most importantly... have you had this talk with your kids? Do you have an evacuation plan in case of a fire in your home?

A bit of a shift...

I will admit that I've been a little 'hesitant' to talk too much on here about our rainbow. Maybe that is a little silly, as this is MY blog, about MY life and all that. But with the focus on Sebastian, I don't want to take too much from that.

I also find that thoughts and blog posts specifically about Seb and our grief journey, well they can be few and far between. I honestly am doing pretty well as far as a mama who lost her baby goes, I think. And well, of course that doesn't mean I love him or miss him any less, but that's me, and it is what it is.

So sometimes I find it hard to write. Write something meaningful and that others will want to read that is.

Especially when life is looking amazing and exciting and hopeful with the expectation of our rainbow baby.

And so, after the encouragement of a fellow BLM who said she actually takes a lot from blogs that include other family members etc - and she can see that other mamas are able to move forward with life - I have decided that I want to make this less about 'just Sebastian', and include the rest of my family more - our life in general, our pregnancy etc. Without feeling I'm not saying enough about Seb if I don't feel to write about him. Grief is not my whole life, there are many other aspects, and I guess I just want this to encompass more of those other parts too. And there's no way I can keep up with two blogs.... and why should I keep Seb separate from our family - his memory is intertwined into our everyday!!

And so I hope it doesn't turn anyone away. I hope more so that others might be able to see a light at the end of their tunnel by seeing that I have been able to move forward with faith, love and the rest of my family.

So if you see a few changes around here, its just because I want to include more of the rest of the clan. Seb will of course still be here - he is one of us after all, but you will see more of my other kids too - and not just in the context of their little brother.

Love and blessings to you all.

Your first Christmas in Heaven...

My darling boy Sebastian,

Merry Christmas to you, my sweet darling. I imagine this time would be quite glorious in Heaven - the very place where Jesus dwells... where the most amazing King ever lives. Surely its a very rejoicing time! Well, that is, if you even celebrate days or time there? It brings me somewhat of comfort though to think you might be celebrating in the very realm of the King...

Down here on earth we celebrated much like we have in Christmases past. But there was definitely a small hole in our celebrations, that you were supposed to fill.

The day started with the children allowed to choose one present to open before Church. Lani had a big one she just had to get into (a dollhouse bigger than her, I don't blame her!), but the boys chose to open their gifts marked 'From Sebby' first... so you see, you were in the very start of our day.

Jai and Eli chose their first gifts to open - 'from Sebby'...

At church, we sang and rejoiced for the birth of Jesus! The children had a special song they had been learning for a few weeks - 'King of Christmas' by Colin Buchanan - and as I sang and danced along, I suddenly had a thought of what things 'should' have looked like in that point. I should have been dancing along, with you in my arms, bouncing you up and down, giggling and smiling at me. And my arms felt so empty at that point. And the tears welled up quickly and spilled over. Your Dad looked at me and saw my eyes wet, but I'm sure he didn't understand why one minute I was joyously enjoying the song, and the next minute I was a mess. I tried to smile at him through the tears. Jayde must have seen me crying and came over and put her arm around me. That really helped me. I know I was just having a moment, and to be honest sweetie, it was the only real 'moment' of sorrow I had that day. I missed you so much in that moment.

And that's not to say I didn't think of you and wish you were with us at other times of the day, but I thought about you not with despair, but just happy thoughts I guess? I'm not sure, but the day was lovely, not so much sad.

 After church we set out some nibbles and Daddy and I's much-needed coffees and we opened gifts. Your little Christmas bear sat on the coffee table in the middle of the lounge room with us, so you were kind of there - as much as we could have you! Your red balloons (for later) hung behind the couch, watching over us.

Your beautiful Christmas bear sat on the coffee table in the middle of the commotion...

Your red balloons hovered over us...

 It was so nice and relaxed and everyone had such a beautiful giving spirit. As we try to focus on the giving part of Christmas, and loving and caring for each other, we took turns to 'hand out' the gifts, one to each person, then we opened them and saw what each other received etc. When it was Lani's turn to hand out the gifts, she handed me mine and said with a beautiful smile "Merry Christmas Mummy." So tender. So precious. It was very different to the frenzy that often occurs when opening gifts with my side of the extended family. And it was really nice.

Opening gifts together, and seeing what each other received...
your siblings were all so loving and considerate!!

 We all wore our 'red for Seb' as the kids quite often say (they always want to wear red for Seb!)... and Mummy had your little crab badge on that Sarah made me, as well as a couple of other badges/jewellery that reminds me of you...

Mummy wearing red and my angel wing necklace and crab, baby feet and heart badges...

Your Nana and Poppy, Uncle Jeremy and Aunty Shanny came to share lunch with us. We ate turkey breast, leg ham and yummy salads! The tables were dressed in red too, and your beautiful red poinsettia took centre place.

The table was dressed in 'red for Seb' too...

Your beautiful red poinsettia took centre place on the table...

We enjoyed turkey, ham and delicious salads for lunch...

After lunch was my favourite part of the day. We quickly opened some more presents from Nana & Poppy, but then we each took one of the Random Acts of Kindness from your red box and read them out... it was so beautiful to hear what people had done, all over the world in your precious name, my darling. It warmed my heart so much, while it missed you just a little more... I am so grateful that so many people thought of us and of you this Christmas time, it helped to ease our pain just a little bit...

Nana (my Mum) reading out a RAOK that someone did in your honour, sweet boy...

Handing out your red balloons...

Ready to send you red balloons beautiful boy...

Lani lets hers go!

We watched them float away!! We love you and miss you Sebby xx

 Your Nana gave us a most beautiful terracotta angel for us to put in your garden. I cannot wait to get this special place ready. As I don't have a grave to 'visit' you at - and I struggle with that from time to time, I just feel I need something to 'nurture' (its the least and the most I can do for my boy who's not here with me)... and so a garden - while we've never been avid gardeners - seems like a lovely idea... and I think I can do and enjoy it. For you...
Your angel can hold a candle underneath her too... she's just lovely...

Beautiful terracotta angel statue for your garden from Nana & Poppy... I love her...

 Daddy bought Mummy a beautiful red rose bush to plant for you.
It's very pretty...

Daddy bought Mummy this beautiful red rose bush...

After everyone had left and it was nice and quiet around here again... I lit your candles and watched them for a while, thinking of you sweet boy. Sometimes I really hate just having candles and plants and stuffed toys and necklaces to remember you. But it wasn't to be. You are so safe with our Lord now, where there is no sickness or death. And I have the assurance in my salvation that I will be with you again one day. Until then, I just have to wait, remember you and light your candles...

Your candles burned brightly for you Christmas night...

Say a big "Happy Birthday!" to Jesus for me. I lit the nativity candles too. Remembering both the gift of you my sweet boy, and the gift of our Lord and Saviour...

Happy Birthday Jesus...

I love you so very much. And I miss you so very much. The ache in my heart comes and goes, like the ocean ebbs and flows. Some days are harder, like Christmas, yet I know that God continues to wash His Peace over me - peace that passes all understanding. I don't know why I don't cry as much as I thought I would, but I know that I feel a lot of peace about you my darling. I know that only comes from God.

I love you darling. Fly high. Merry Christmas xx