Merry Christmas to you, my sweet darling. I imagine this time would be quite glorious in Heaven - the very place where Jesus dwells... where the most amazing King ever lives. Surely its a very rejoicing time! Well, that is, if you even celebrate days or time there? It brings me somewhat of comfort though to think you might be celebrating in the very realm of the King...
Down here on earth we celebrated much like we have in Christmases past. But there was definitely a small hole in our celebrations, that you were supposed to fill.
The day started with the children allowed to choose one present to open before Church. Lani had a big one she just had to get into (a dollhouse bigger than her, I don't blame her!), but the boys chose to open their gifts marked 'From Sebby' first... so you see, you were in the very start of our day.
|Jai and Eli chose their first gifts to open - 'from Sebby'...|
At church, we sang and rejoiced for the birth of Jesus! The children had a special song they had been learning for a few weeks - 'King of Christmas' by Colin Buchanan - and as I sang and danced along, I suddenly had a thought of what things 'should' have looked like in that point. I should have been dancing along, with you in my arms, bouncing you up and down, giggling and smiling at me. And my arms felt so empty at that point. And the tears welled up quickly and spilled over. Your Dad looked at me and saw my eyes wet, but I'm sure he didn't understand why one minute I was joyously enjoying the song, and the next minute I was a mess. I tried to smile at him through the tears. Jayde must have seen me crying and came over and put her arm around me. That really helped me. I know I was just having a moment, and to be honest sweetie, it was the only real 'moment' of sorrow I had that day. I missed you so much in that moment.
And that's not to say I didn't think of you and wish you were with us at other times of the day, but I thought about you not with despair, but just happy thoughts I guess? I'm not sure, but the day was lovely, not so much sad.
After church we set out some nibbles and Daddy and I's much-needed coffees and we opened gifts. Your little Christmas bear sat on the coffee table in the middle of the lounge room with us, so you were kind of there - as much as we could have you! Your red balloons (for later) hung behind the couch, watching over us.
|Your beautiful Christmas bear sat on the coffee table in the middle of the commotion...|
|Your red balloons hovered over us...|
|Opening gifts together, and seeing what each other received... |
your siblings were all so loving and considerate!!
|Mummy wearing red and my angel wing necklace and crab, baby feet and heart badges...|
|The table was dressed in 'red for Seb' too...|
|Your beautiful red poinsettia took centre place on the table...|
|We enjoyed turkey, ham and delicious salads for lunch...|
|Nana (my Mum) reading out a RAOK that someone did in your honour, sweet boy...|
|Handing out your red balloons...|
|Ready to send you red balloons beautiful boy...|
|Lani lets hers go!|
|We watched them float away!! We love you and miss you Sebby xx|
Your angel can hold a candle underneath her too... she's just lovely...
|Beautiful terracotta angel statue for your garden from Nana & Poppy... I love her...|
It's very pretty...
|Daddy bought Mummy this beautiful red rose bush...|
|Your candles burned brightly for you Christmas night...|
Say a big "Happy Birthday!" to Jesus for me. I lit the nativity candles too. Remembering both the gift of you my sweet boy, and the gift of our Lord and Saviour...
|Happy Birthday Jesus...|
I love you so very much. And I miss you so very much. The ache in my heart comes and goes, like the ocean ebbs and flows. Some days are harder, like Christmas, yet I know that God continues to wash His Peace over me - peace that passes all understanding. I don't know why I don't cry as much as I thought I would, but I know that I feel a lot of peace about you my darling. I know that only comes from God.
I love you darling. Fly high. Merry Christmas xx