Friday, November 2, 2012

Measuring up...

The monster has got me again. You know, that one that whispers 'You're not good enough.' 'Look at this Mum, or this blogger, or this crafter, or this woman with the fabulous body... you can't be as good as her, you can't do it like she does...'

You know that one, right? I know you do.

I've always been plagued by comparisons. Not pressure from anyone else really, just myself. Well, the enemy within myself. He knows I try to 'measure up', I try to be super Mum, super crafter, super blogger. Geez, he also knows that I know how ridiculous that sounds, but in the moments of traipsing around the blog world, I get caught up, again and again.

But it really holds me back, always have. I shy away from my crafting, my writing because I don't feel I measure up, in many ways, on any given day.

And so, I just haven't bothered to write here. But what have I missed out on. Recording the moments in my newborn's life that I can't get back - those firsts, those little moments. I have the photos, sure, but I don't have the little memories written down now.

I was chatting to a new friend over the weekend, trying to explain to her what a blog is. I was trying to tell her about the shift blogging has made in the last few years - where its gone from a 'web log' or a dear diary as such as it really was when I first started recording my life on the web, to now where its all about having and reaching followers, writing 'to' readers, sharing 'with' readers, having something interesting to contribute to 'the world'. And it got me thinking why. Why has it shifted so? Why is everything about measuring up in others' eyes?

And I guess that's all in the eye of the beholder that part. No, its not always about measuring up. Yet, in sharing with the world, encouraging other mothers, crafters, writers, there's always this pressure to be awesome. This one up on each other sort of thing. This 'keeping up with the Joneses'.

And that's where the enemy knows to cut me right down. He knows I compare myself with everyone else, and that I won't share, won't write unless I think its worthy.

I craft and I bake, and do you know I take photos of everything I do, 'just in case' I feel like making a tutorial - so that everyone will think I'm much much cooler. (well that's it in a nutshell?) I don't think I've got to any of those tutorials (as you can see by clicking on the blank link in the top bar). Story of my life.

And so I thought, what IS the reason I blog? Is it to reach others? Or is it to record MY things in MY life - mostly for me?

I guess it is both, but I think I need to get back to the basics of the original reason - and that is for ME. I want to record the moments in my life, in my grief, in my joy. I want to be able to go back and read them, and remember what it was like in that moment. Remember the little things. Not just 'to get my tutorial on Pinterest'.

Maybe my problem is I just don't know what my calling is, my niche. I am a part of so many different 'areas' and never know what my blog should be about. It seems hard to make it a babyloss blog, but a crafting blog, but a family blog... you see what I mean? But all those things make up who I am!

So I will try to keep up with those Joneses a little less. I will try to come in here and write, little bits and pieces (so that it doesn't end up being a huge long post that I never have time to finish). I don't put pressure on myself to do it daily or even weekly as our life is busy. But I do want to get these things down.

A challenge to you. Why do you blog? Is it for you? Or for others? And of course, there's no right answer, its all personal. Its very much right to do it either way, and there's ministry in both.
But we need to be able to freely write without having to think if we're worthy or if  our post is 'pinnable' etc. Right? Would love you to share your 'soul searching' with me.


  1. You write so beautifully Nat, I hope you'll come back to it xxxx

  2. Cool..

    I def write for myself and to share thoughts, events etc. I don't (yet) care to reach a target audience or gain followers.. But I like to write..

    And I like to read about your journey, how life is, what it looks like etc.. All sorts..

    I actually don't read blogs with thousands of followers. They are written for the purpose of being read.. Or written to suit the reader. If I wanted that I'd read the news paper.

    As for you? You've already proved yourself worthy (in my eyes) to blog daily life events..

  3. Oh I know that monster too well. Sorry she's got her claws in you, too. I love your writing and your attitude, though, so I hope you keep are such an encouragement to me!

    As for your question, I blog first for me - to process and express in a way that doesn't feel stifling (journaling does for some reason). My blog is really a "my life" blog, though it probably looks mostly like a babyloss/rainbow blog right now.

    Great post, Nat!

  4. It is this humble nature within you that inspires me, the fact that you are all those facets. None of us are one thing or another, we are the sum of ourselves. The sum of you is a beautiful inspiring woman who often brings out the monster in me, making me wonder why I can't handle it all with your grace and nurture. But then I try to remember it is our differences that make us special and I value you and your friendship very highly, even when life is so busy we don't have time to talk often xx

  5. Nat This is really good, It is so hard to not compare ourselves to others. My favorite blogs are just family journals were pictures and memories are kept.

  6. Haven't 'gone' anywhere, just needed to remind myself that I can come in and write for 10 minutes or something, just those little things - for me, rather than always having something I think others will want to read?

  7. Thanks Tracy. I know what you mean. Here we are, thinking 'gosh I wish I could do all that woman does', while really someone else is thinking the same about us. I guess we usually project and proudly share the times where we are rocking it as a mum, but they are not the 'this is how it always is' - we don't see behind the scenes do we, not really the every day. Love you.

  8. My blog is for 2 things: my family so they can catch up in what we are doing as we live away from them and as a record for me. Mine is more of a diary of life not an encouraging or challenging word I suppose. Different blogs / writers have different reasons for blogging for sure :)
    Keep going Nat! I'd love to see some photos of bub :)

  9. I dont blog but i do find that i compare myself to others and then end up worrying im not good enough as a mum cook just a person in general really i love to read other peoples blogs. I would love to give it a go bloging that is but i think i am not good enough to write down my thought etc even though i have so much to say lol

  10. Hi Nat,
    I love catching up with your blog... love to hear how you all are, see how your kids have grown, and love how you do share your heart. For me blogging is about recording a little of what our year is like. Mostly it is written for me, and a little for those friends of ours that live away or overseas. Once upon a time I used to love reading the comments at the end of my blog, now I am just thankful that I can go back and look back over the memories that form the fabric of our lives. I never have been really good at expressing what is in my heart, but I know that it is easy to forget the little things, and for this reason, I have enjoyed keeping my blog...

  11. I love catching up on your blog too Nat and btw I love how you write. I also love what you craft. It inspires me. Look forward to seeing some more.
    Blogging for me is more like keeping a journal because it's hard to remember all the little things that happened so long ago. I also have journals laying around my room. I'm not diligent, don't write as often as I should but when I do, I'm glad I did. Does that make sense?

  12. How very interesting. I've never really thought about my blog that way. I know that I will never have a tutorial on there. I simply don't have time. I don't write about my family much. So I guess the main focus for me is about my business, designing and my inspiration. Not sure if I have the balance right to be honest but I kind of feel like it is evolving anyway.

    I think you have to do what makes you happy. Most people would never feel comfortable writing about what you have but what an incredible gift you have given them. Insight into your feelings, your strength and I guess showing them that it is natural to feel the way they do when faced with the tragic loss of a baby or the joy of a rainbow baby.

    Do what makes you happy hun xxx


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