Saturday, April 14, 2012

Talking about their little brother...

I love to hear my children talk about their little brother. It reminds me that we definitely did the right thing not to hide what was happening, and to embrace our baby and make the most of every single moment we had with him.

Don't get me wrong - gosh it was hard to tell them our baby was probably going to die... but, my children have grown and have learnt some hard life lessons young - but out of it, they have gained wonderful compassion.

Yesterday Eli (almost 6) had a friend over. His Mummy is also having a baby, and the boys were outside at the swings and were talking about their families and the babies soon to arrive. His little friend asked him how many people he has in his family. Eli was telling him we have 5 children. His friend said 'No, I don't mean the babies in the tummy, I mean the ones already here'. And Eli told him 'Well we have 3 boys, remember my baby brother?' And again his friend said 'No, I don't mean the babies, just the people that are here already.' Eli corrected him and said 'We have 3 boys - Jaidyn, and me and Sebby. Remember Sebastian, my brother who died?'  I was watching the conversation quietly from the kitchen window so they couldn't see me there. Just watching to see how Eli interacts with his friends.
And this part broke my heart. His friend said 'No, not people who have died.' And there it was. Already my son was having his baby brother excluded from 'his family'.
I continued to watch, but I think they'd seen me and the conversation fizzled out.

And inside, my heart bled, and I cried.
Yet at the same time, I was so proud of Eli for speaking about his brother and including him so fervently in our family. I hope he always does.

And I know that they are only 6 years old, but this really is the start of Sebastian being excluded, isn't it? His little friend might not have meant to be insensitive, and well of course not - he's 6. But the world is often very insensitive, and my kids are going to have to deal with that too.

Baby loss is something that will rear its ugly head time and time again, and we just have to deal with it.


  1. Oh that's so sad, Eli's friend excluding Sebby. But good on Eli for refusing to discount him! <3

  2. What a sweet boy you have, I love this story it so warmed my heart.

  3. My daughter was only 2 and a half when our baby son passed away. She's nearly 9 now, and after all this time I think that there is just no way she could remember Oliver, or even anything that we went through. And to be honest, she doesn't remember a lot of the details, she was barely a toddler herself, but the connection she has with Oliver is unbelievable really. She talks about him, writes his name on cards to us, and includes him in family things. It's just precious, and something that I want to make sure I don't ever quash. I know that your kids will always always always have a precious place in their hearts for your Sebastian. Always, no matter what other kids say to them. The connection is there, even if their friends can't see it. And in time, their friends will come to understand Sebastian's special place in their lives too.

  4. always apart of our lives ..... xx

  5. Oh nat :( im in tears reading this... I too have had this starting to happen or the looks when i mention Levi when have home & done family things @ taken our Levi near...

    Declan talks about Levi & was called a lair because they never got to meet Levi it made me so angry *higz+

  6. SO glad you linked up sweet friend, I look forward to more posts. I fixed my button..LOL my son is giving me a really hard time.

  7. I can totally understand what you mean! It's heartbreaking how others (no matter the age) exclude our children that live in Heaven. So sweet Eli spoke up for his brother and included him, my kiddos do the same thing and don't let their brother left out. Btw, my son Noah had Trisomy 13.

  8. Visiting from Tesha's link up....

  9. I couldn't get the code to copy? Maybe its just me??


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