Have been playing around in the last few days. I had to remember how to edit everything, add a button etc! But I've got there, mostly.
As I said a few posts ago, I wanted to revamp the blog a little to make it less about just Sebastian, and more about my whole family, my life in general.
I know I'm not like everyone on this babyloss journey, but for me, the sad and emotional days are a lot further apart these day. I don't know why I'm not sad much, and its certainly not a reflection of my love for Seb - or lack there-of, but I want to be real, and for me moving forward has been very much what I've been able to do, I guess?
So a new look, so I can blog more and include more of just every day things - as well as thoughts on Seb and babyloss too - and not feel bad for doing so because its 'a babyloss blog'. I guess, its just not that anymore. Its my family blog. Its about my life, and my family - and of course that includes Seb too. As well as my husband, Jaidyn, Elijah, Lani and little Rainby who we're still baking...
So to the title... Finding Rainbows... well, when I thought about what I want my blog to look like, I couldn't get rainbows out of my head. I guess they pop up a lot for me, in various aspects of my life really.
Firstly, we're expecting our 'rainbow baby' - the term given to a pregnancy/baby born after a loss. Also, as I think I've mentioned before, I felt God promised me soon after Seb's death of the story of Noah from the Bible... when God placed a beautiful rainbow in the clouds after the great flood was over. He gave the rainbow as a promise never to flood the earth again, and I felt that God was telling me that He would not take us through the 'flood' of babyloss again, so I gather a lot of hope from rainbows also because of that.
Secondly, a couple of lullabies involving rainbows mean a lot to me. I have sung 'Somewhere Over The Rainbow' to my kids since they were babies, and I really missed not being able to sing that lullaby to Sebastian. We played it at his funeral, as we carried him out to the car, as we said our last goodbyes. So its a very heartfelt song to me. I also sing 'I Can Sing A Rainbow' with Lani all the time, and we've even learnt the sign language (AUSLAN) to go with it.
Thirdly, I love colour. I'm all about bright. Just love bright colours. I guess I think I'm a fairly 'bright' person too - not in the smarts way, but meaning I think I have a bright personality. I am mostly a 'glass half full' kinda girl - I look to the bright side of things, and tend to be able to see the silver lining fairly easily. I would rather focus on positive than negatives in most cases, and I guess a rainbow reminds me of the positives - the colour in the grey sky, the hope at the end - or in the middle - of the storm...
But with a rainbow, we always know there has been a storm, and sometimes I will be talking about that storm. The rainbow is a sign of hope, but its in the middle of the storm, and that storm still affects me.
So here I am - finding rainbows.
Looking for the bright colours, the hope and the positives in amongst some storm clouds.
Sharing my life, my family, my thoughts. I hope you'll stay around.