31 weeks and approaching dates...

The last trimester of our rainbow pregnancy seems to be flying by! I am starting to get stressed we won't have everything ready for baby. I have his half of a bedroom to set up, quilts and decor to sew, a drawer unit to purchase, cot to set up, and supposed to be having a Baby Shower which I'm not sure I will now.

But also in the back of my mind, I know that it also means that Sebastian's special dates are fast approaching.

As I write this, I am 31.5 weeks. Sebastian passed away at 34 weeks. That's only a few weeks away, and I just don't know how I'll feel that week. Knowing it was the same week (or stage in pregnancy) when his heart stopped at some stage inside of me, where he was supposed to be safe. We knew it was most-likely coming, and have been given an amazing amount of peace from God in the ways and timing that it all happened, but just knowing this same week I lost my baby, will be hard. I don't know if I'll worry the same thing for Rainby, or if I will just be reflective. But I'm well-aware that the time approaches. And then, after it does, carrying on (God-willing) in this pregnancy knowing that I didn't have that time and stage with Sebastian.

It also means that his birthday approaches, and approaches fast. We have a lot on in the next couple months. Not only getting ready for a baby, but we're busy with new family diet plans, and my sister also gets married on 18th August. I will be busy, but I will know that my baby boy's day comes. I want to have time to reflect on him on that day, and am not sure yet if we'll celebrate it or just do something special together. Our little Rainby should be here by then.

His birthday also brings Fathers Day. Last year they fell on the same day. This year, Fathers Day is Sunday 2nd September, and Seb's birthday 2 days later on the 4th. I know that Fathers Day will never EVER be the same again. Not only because we lost a baby. Not only because my husband will always be one child short. But also because he was actually born and we held him last on Fathers Day. It was a most beautiful blessing for my husband that he was able to hold his son on Fathers Day - such an incredible blessing that we would never take back, but with that will also come a little more pain for that day I think.

And then throw in there a new baby.

Life will be be full. Busy, joyful, sad - all those emotions, and very full. And we are on the count-down right now. Its right there, close by, and I know it.

Here is a photo of my beautiful little man growing inside me. Or my bump rather. I've been a bit sporadic with taking photos, but here is one.

I also went back and had a look at my belly at about the same stage of my pregnancy last year with Sebastian. This might be my last comparison pic, but I'll have to try and get one at 34 weeks too, which is when I took the last ones with Seb (a whole family shoot that I'm so glad we decided to take). 

{Actually, we are having a Maternity Shoot done just before 34 weeks with Jess from Bella Lei Photography - can't wait!! - and still trying to work out what we'll all wear!}