He's home.

Well actually, he's been home since before he was born. He is home in Heaven, with Jesus. The ultimate home. But we have finally brought what we can earthly of our dear baby, home to be with us. Greg and I went to the crematorium yesterday and picked up Sebastian's ashes to finally bring home.

I know that many people have wondered why it took so long for us to collect his ashes, and well I guess its a combination of a few things.

1) We've been busy. Before Christmas, things were a bit crazy with losing Sebastian, his funeral, moving house, Jaidyn's 11th b'day and Christmas, and then after that the kids were on break for 6 weeks. Greg and I wanted to go in together, on our own to pick them up, and he's been busy at work since the kids went back to school as he's in a supervisor's role at the moment, but he FINALLY had a day off where we could go together to bring him home.

2) I don't feel a huge connection to his ashes to be honest. I know it is not 'him' and that Sebastian now resides in the most beautiful place that we can only imagine, where his body is perfect and whole and there is no sickness or sorrow. So I didn't feel I 'needed' to have them with me straight away. I knew we would get there when the time was right for us, and I think the timing of this is perfect, because this Sunday coming will be 6 months since we said goodbye. Its nice to have something really special to connect with that angelversary.

3) I wanted to have time to pick an urn for him. We were told the ashes would be given to us in a plastic container, and I wanted to be in the right frame of mind (and have some money to purchase it) to pick the urn that's right for Seb. When Greg called the crematorium though, they told him that they provide a small urn for babies because there is not a lot of ashes to put in a plastic container (they must be fairly big containers?). So when we went in, I could see a little shelf with some display urns of different sizes. There were many tiny ones for babies, I'm assuming. I saw a pink one and a green one. So you would imagine the blessing and my smile when she came out with a little urn with Sebastian's ashes in it - and the engraving on it was red. Red. His colour!! They could have put him in a blue or green one but for some reason they chose red, so it was a little bit perfect. I don't really like the urn so much though, unfortunately. It has a little white teddybear and red borders around the lid and rim, which is nice. But then it has all these green engravings all over the rest of it - it looks a bit tacky. But it was nice to receive an urn with red on it - that was special. But I think I'll take my time to find one online or something that's perfect for Seb. I'd like a plain brushed silver one I think with his name engraved in it, and maybe a little red heart. I think that would be lovely. I guess we have time to find the right one now at least.

Here's some pics of his little urn sitting on the shelf in our dining room. This shelf has a photo of each of us in the family, and then a couple of Seb. So I've added the urn, a little angel baby statue and the name plate they gave us from the front of his casket up here too, and made another little 'spot' for our sweet boy. We have a few places around the house now, and that's how I like it. So he can be in all the rooms we use regularly, with us.

Seb's teeny tiny urn with little angel baby statue.

A special place on the shelf in our dining room. 

It's good to have all that we have 'of him' here with us, but I look forward to seeing my boy in many years time when we meet in Heaven.