So loved...

Packing, packing, packing. A lot of throwing out and some more packing. Tape, boxes and a nikko marker. A room half full of boxes, neatly stacked almost to the roof.

Yesterday I tackled the 'dump it' spot head on, a woman on a mission. It has grown somewhat in the last few weeks, threatening to take over the dining room at any stage!

I made my way through the scrap-heap; the once clear dining table was now covered in neat little piles of this and that, waiting to be sorted further, packed or thrown out. A large bin liner hung over the back of a chair, bulging with the satisfaction of decluttering. It will feel good to not have this clutter for a while.

At the bottom of the pile, red polkadot fabric peeked out at me, reminding me of a special time now two months ago. A cheery red spotted basket liner I made for a special occasion - a day of celebrating, of embracing life no matter how short.

A day of love. It was for Sebastian's baby shower, August 13, 2011.

The basket here holds so much love. A little handful of cards - of messages of prayers, support and encouragement. Some are handmade, a labour of love. Some store-bought. Some include beautiful drawings from the children in Eli's class - showing their friend how much they love him and his baby brother.

I picked each one up and read through the messages inside.

Tears started to well up in my eyes as I read a message addressed to my son.

"To Sebastian, As yet you ahve not seen the light of day, and yet you have blessed so many people. You have shown people a new dimension of love. Even though you may not be 'perfect' by the world's standards, you are nevertheless a special gift from God. In God's eyes you are 'perfect'. He is using you in a way that is unique to you. So many people have turned their throughts to God because of you. That is a blessing!" (thankyou Robyn D)

Another reads,

"Oh little man, how greatly you are loved! You are so precious to your mum & dad, your brothers & big sis too & most of all to your Maker! You have been knit together in your loving mama's womb. We send cuddles & kisses to you precious Sebastian." (thankyou beautiful Lus xx)

I cradled the pile of cards and drawings in my arm and carried them to their new home in Sebastian's memory box (made by a dear friend)... so treasured. So loved. As I opened his memory box, more love was waiting inside. I began to lose myself in the cards we've received in the past 6 weeks. There are over 30 of them.

"Congratulations on the birth of your beautiful baby boy, Sebby! He is such a precious gift from God, and we are so sorry you had to give him back to the Lord so soon..." (thankyou Becs)

A thankful smile reaches my lips as I think on the words 'congratulations'. They make me happy. Yes we had a great loss, but we still welcomed him into our family and we also felt the same joy that any new parent feels, only we could not keep him. Many of the cards only recognised our loss, not our joy.

I kept sifting through the memory box and lifted out the A4 folder containing the 'messages of love' that my dear friends Ange and Sarah put together for me to display at the memorial service, from all the messages we'd received on Facebook, email, my FB business page and Maternal forum...

"Rest peacefully now little Sebastian. You were dearly blessed by the love of an amazing family and now they will be forever blessed from loving you..." (thanks Janelle)

"A precious baby boy - Sebastian Levi - was born today and is now with his Heavenly Father where he is perfect in every way enjoying a place which is something we can only imagine and long for. You have been an amazing inspiration and all praise goes to God who has chosen you to share this amazing up and down journey with us all and strengthen us all in our faith." (thanks Erica)

"I have come to realise that there is more to it [babyloss] than just loss. You have taught me the joy of a life, no matter how brief, and how to celebrate it even at a time of sorrow. I really feel armed and ready to be there to support anyone in my life who may end up in this special situation - that is all thanks to you." (thanks Tracey)



"Psalm 121:1-2 ~ I lift my eyes up to the hills, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

"The world is a better place as it has been touched by precious little Sebastian..."

"His life was not in vain, his life has reached places you haven't even thought of yet, that is the power of God. He is an amazing little life, and has touched so many, and God chose you to be his family..." (thanks Lynn)

"Congratulations on the birth of Sebastian, you guys have been a huge inspiration to us ans you have travelled this journey. God is faithful, and holds your beautiful baby boy forever in His arms as you guys will forever love him and hold him in your hearts..." (thanks Karen)

As I read message after message and card after card, the tears streamed down my face. It meant so much to me that Sebby was loved. It means so much to me that he will not be easily forgotten. We refused to sweep our sweet baby under the rug and terminate his pregnancy, and it warms my heart that others have been blessed by our decision to love him, and that his legacy will live on. That he will never be swept under the rug. He will not be forgotten.

My God is good. Times will come when I feel lonely, I know that. This is a lonely road I walk. But even as those feelings creep in, I will have these cards and messages to look at, to know that I and my precious son are loved fiercely. By many here on earth, but most importantly by our Maker.

1 Corinthians 13:7 (NLT)

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

How GOOD is that scripture!?