Balloons for Sebby...

Tuesday just gone was our one month angelversary. One month since we held our sweet boy.

Time can be a real bitch.

People ask me if it seems like a long time ago or it seems like only yesterday, and to be honest I have trouble answering that question. I don't really know. In some ways it feels it was only yesterday, and in other ways it feels much longer. I thought about this concept the other day, and came up with the fact that it is neither. The way I feel about it is like when you are planning a big event - a birthday party, a wedding even. You plan and prepare for a long time. A lot of thought goes into what you want to do. A lot of time, money and love go into making it as perfect as possible. For us, Sebastian's birth was a little like that. We knew it was coming, and we knew he was going to be with Jesus. We took each day at a time. We planned what we wanted to take to the hospital, we thought about what memories we wanted to have, we had a baby shower to show him we loved him. We planned leading up to his day.

And then it hits you out of nowhere. And time doesn't slow down for anyone!

And then suddenly its the next day, and this moment you've been planning and waiting for is over.
Just. Like. That.

The 6 hours we spent with him suddenly seem like nothing at all. The time has come and gone, and time didn't stand still for me. It didn't stop so that I could really savour those memories and burn them into my mind's eye forever. Short-term memories fade easily.

And so when I'm asked if it feels like just yesterday or eons ago, I still don't know. I just know that it was NEVER ENOUGH TIME. And it scares the crap out of me that I won't be able to burn those memories into my mind. And I am forever grateful at this point for the many beautiful photos I have.

And so I digress back to the original point of this post (oops, got sidetracked by my own thoughts there)...

One month.

I spent the day on my own at home, day 2 of my anticipated 'me time'. Well I wasn't alone at all. I spent much of the day with my Lord. My worship music filled the house and I thought about my boy. I didn't feel particularly sad that day. Just remembered him as best I could.

God took me on some exciting journeys that day - showed me a few things about my future. Exciting stuff. But I'll come back to that another time.

Greg had secretly arranged to pick up 6 red balloons - one for each member of our family, Seb included of course - so we could have a little balloon release for our boy in our yard, like we had for his funeral. I cried when he told me what he had planned. How sweet is my man. I asked him if he could also pick up a pale pink balloon for my friend Bec's little princess Hannah Grace, who passed away the very same day as Sebby - his angel sister I like to call her.

So when Greg got home from work - and it was a beautiful still sunny day, praise God - we went out in our front street and let the balloons go. A couple of them couldn't wait and popped before we got to let them go (sad face :( - note to self, next time collect 8 balloons just in case).

After we watched our Sebby balloons float off towards the sun and couldn't stand blinding ourselves any longer, Lani and I let go of our pink balloon for sweet Hannah too. Lani was really excited to have a pink balloon and she talks about Hannah all the time now, and draws pictures of Hannah and Seb's balloons.... so cute... 

Greg also bought me a lovely red candle for Seb. I'm not a big candle person and so I haven't had one in the house to light for Seb, or for any other angel baby for that matter (apart from cheapo tealight candles). So this is so special and so beautiful and so needed in my house! (and maybe a few others hereafter)

We set it up in front of one of his photos, with his beautiful Willow Tree angel and pewter baby figure we were given. It looked just beautiful. Perfect. Serene. Calm. At perfect peace. Just like my baby boy.

We miss you sweet boy. There will always be a special place in our home for you, but most importantly, in our hearts. Love you xx